Dear Carolyn:

When visiting my in-laws, I’ve noticed a particular dining habit. Instead of gathering around a dining table, meals involve a self-serve approach. My mother- and father-in-law consistently place food on the counter. The family then disperses throughout the house. Some prefer watching TV during their meal, while others opt for the living room or porch, often distracted by their phones.

This informal dining style happens regardless of the group’s size. Even during large family gatherings, the tradition remains unchanged. The question of whether to partake in this routine or suggest alternatives becomes tricky. It raises concerns about balancing personal preferences with respect for family customs.

It’s essential to consider the reasons behind these dining preferences. They might find comfort and relaxation in a more casual setup. However, for someone accustomed to structured family meals, this might seem unusual or even isolating.

Navigating such differences requires open communication. Express your thoughts without implying criticism. A possible approach is to suggest shared meals occasionally as a way to strengthen family bonds. Respect both traditions, aiming for a compromise that honors everyone’s comfort and preferences.