Kim Houk, a labor and delivery nurse based in San Diego, has seen a range of supportive and unhelpful behaviors from men in delivery rooms. With eight years of experience and being a mother of seven, Houk has assisted in hundreds of births, witnessing varied interactions among prospective fathers.
Houk’s hospital delivers 7,000-8,000 babies annually, providing her a unique vantage point to observe fathers’ roles during childbirth. While many dads are attentive, there is a mix, including “red flag dads” who exhibit less desirable behaviors. Houk highlighted some common errors made by men during labor and delivery.
Research supports the benefits of having a partner present during childbirth. A 2014 study in the Journal of Perinatal Education found that continuous support leads to increased maternal satisfaction and a positive childbirth experience. A 2016 YouGov survey revealed that four in five American women prefer having the father in the delivery room.
However, Houk has noticed questionable actions by some men trying to be supportive. A frequent issue involves dads asking about connecting entertainment devices like an Xbox to the TV in the delivery room. While inductions can take time, these inquiries detract from the supportive atmosphere.
Another concern is men speaking on behalf of their partners. Houk explains, “I’m asking how she’s doing, if she wants anything for pain, if she is ready for an epidural, what her thoughts are on this or that, and he’s answering.” She emphasizes the importance of allowing women to answer questions themselves.
Houk also reports encountering dads who arrive “high” to assist, especially in California, where marijuana is legal. This poses challenges in maintaining a supportive environment.
Some fathers prioritize other engagements over their partner’s labor, such as engaging in “loud business meetings” over the phone. Houk recommends moving such calls outside or to a hallway to maintain a calm atmosphere.
Houk reserves her strongest objections for men who “oversexualize” the delivery process. Remarks about threesomes or inappropriate comments during breastfeeding create discomfort and are unhelpful.
Additional mistakes include constant eating, reluctance to ask visitors to leave, or flirting with nurses. Instead, Houk advises fathers to understand the partner’s birth plan and support the mother’s decisions, such as opting for an epidural or delayed cord clamping.
Fathers should offer physical support by massaging the partner’s back, applying counterpressure, charging devices, providing snacks, and creating a peaceful environment with dim lighting and limited visitors. Complaints about personal discomfort should be set aside to focus on the partner’s needs.
Overall, the role of a dad in the delivery room is to support, not control. Fathers should advocate for their partners, communicate wishes to medical providers, and remain a steady presence. “Help communicate her wishes to nurses or providers when she’s focused or overwhelmed,” Houk advises. Their involvement can significantly influence the childbirth experience.