Anticipation and anxiety filled the air as I approached the ultrasound appointment. Given the difficulties we had faced, my nervousness was understandable. I have spent my life in Valparaiso, Indiana, sharing it for the past eight years with my husband, Ryan, who is my unwavering support.
In 2022, our daughter Nellie was born. It ought to have been our happiest day. The doctors assured us she was healthy; we brought her home, but tragically, she passed away during the night. The grief that followed was immense, but we found a way to continue.
We turned to IVF in 2024. It was grueling, involving two unsuccessful egg retrievals. A break seemed necessary. Then, in February 2025, a natural pregnancy occurred, only to end quickly as a chemical pregnancy. The loss was hard, though less severe than losing Nellie.
Deciding to resume IVF with a different clinic brought renewed hope. This time, it led to a pregnancy. Joy, however, soon turned to doubt. At around nine weeks, a boutique abdominal ultrasound stirred concern, revealing only a faint flicker instead of the strong heartbeat we longed to hear.
Research and prayer became my refuge as I clung to hope for the upcoming July ultrasound. The power outage in Northwest Indiana had us staying with my in-laws. Before the appointment, my mother-in-law, Liesl, sensed my unease. I broke down, burdened by a fear I couldn’t shake.
Despite my apprehension, I documented our journey on TikTok as @elleighhasababy, sharing every aspect—good and bad. I filmed the appointment, hoping for reassurance, only to receive the dreaded news: no heartbeat. Poppy, our daughter, measured far behind her expected growth.
Shock and disbelief took over. I reached instinctively for Ryan, asking the technician not to touch me. Her attempt to comfort only felt intrusive amid my anguish. Returning to my in-laws’ home, we mourned together through the night.
Sharing the heartbreaking ultrasound footage on TikTok aligned with my belief in honesty. By revealing my story, I wanted to connect with others facing infertility and loss. Isolation is common in these struggles, making it essential to foster community support. Messages expressing gratitude for my openness validated my choice.
Criticism arose over my response to the technician, but in my vulnerable state, her touch was unwelcome. While many of my videos celebrate pregnancy’s joys, conveying the lows is equally vital. Infertility, IVF failures, successes, and losses all form part of the journey.
Though loss feels overwhelming, hope remains. I believe in the potential for a healthy baby and the family we strive to create. Post-procedure, I am recovering at home with tremendous support from Ryan and my family. The doctor’s plan for our next steps includes another embryo transfer soon, and I hold onto hope for our future.