Living together while working from home can present unique challenges for couples. One listener, feeling frustrated with her boyfriend’s lack of ambition and excessive gaming, sought advice from Dear Life Kit. Jody Adewale, a clinical psychologist specializing in family conflict, offered insights on the issue.

The listener was concerned as her boyfriend disliked his low-paying job and spent significant workday hours playing video games. Although he claimed to play only a couple of games a day, his online activity suggested otherwise. This gaming habit, coupled with his reluctance to learn new skills or participate in job training, left her feeling burdened by additional household chores.

The listener wanted to address her boyfriend’s motivation and gaming habits without causing conflict. Adewale emphasized that intrinsic motivation is critical for lasting behavior change. Utilizing positive reinforcement can be effective. Praising desired behaviors with statements like, “Thank you for spending time with me,” or “I appreciate you submitting that resume,” could encourage positive habits.

Adewale warned that excessive gaming can be as detrimental as drugs, gambling, or pornography. It can affect relationships, work, finances, or health. If such issues arise, it may indicate underlying mental health concerns like depression or anxiety, requiring attention.

Effective communication is essential. Couples often avoid discussing sensitive topics to prevent fights. However, assertive communication, which respects both partners’ needs, is necessary. Establishing personal boundaries is crucial, ensuring that you are not imposing unwanted changes on your partner.

Couples therapy can provide a safe space for open dialogues about relationship concerns. Listening to the full response from Jody Adewale on platforms such as Apple Podcasts or Spotify for more detailed advice can also be beneficial.

Dear Life Kit, hosted by Andee Tagle, produced by Beck Harlan and Sylvie Douglis, with input from Jamal Michel, offers guidance on personal dilemmas. Producers Bronson Arcuri and Meghan Keane, along with Instagram series producer Alicia Zheng, provide regular content updates. Catch their insights on NPR’s Instagram reels.