Quiet quitting is a term used to describe a phenomenon where individuals in the workplace only perform the minimum required duties. However, this concept has extended into the realm of marriage, where it signifies a pattern of reduced emotional effort, communication, or involvement from one or both partners. Relationship experts have noted that couples may continue fulfilling daily responsibilities, such as household chores and parenting, even as one partner becomes emotionally or physically disengaged.
Social Media Influence
Discussion about quiet quitting in marriages has gained momentum across social media platforms. Users share videos and posts regarding their experiences of feeling emotionally checked out while remaining in the relationship.
Expert Insights
Licensed marriage and family therapist Lisa Brookes Kift, based in California, provided insights into this issue. She indicated that an absence of arguments could be a warning sign rather than a positive indicator. Kift explained, “It’s a myth that no arguing means the relationship is healthy. Some individuals avoid conflict and opt to ignore their feelings, which gradually undermines emotional safety.”
Kift stressed the importance of understanding attachment styles — the ways individuals seek closeness and support — as these can influence responses to marital distress. An avoidant style may allow someone to remain emotionally isolated, whereas a secure attachment style encourages partners to address issues constructively.
“Early experiences with trust and whether emotional needs were met greatly impact how one handles marital distress,” noted Kift. These learned patterns influence whether partners remain hopeful or begin to lose faith in their relationship.
Warning Signs
Several indicators suggest a partner might be withdrawing emotionally:
- Decline in open communication
- Unresolved conflicts
- Growing impatience
- Assuming the worst about a partner’s intentions
Ignoring these signs can shift the relationship into a stage resembling “parallel play,” a term used by journalist Monica Corcoran Harel on Oprah’s podcast referencing the behavior of toddlers playing side by side without engaging.
Re-engaging in the Relationship
Kift emphasized that repair requires both partners to re-engage actively. If one partner is fully disengaged, repair becomes extremely difficult. She highlighted that hypervigilance — continuously being on the lookout for disappointment — hinders the recognition of positive changes.
For those willing to work on the relationship, Kift suggests initiating a safe and caring conversation. For example, saying “I know it may not have looked like it, but you and our marriage are important to me. Can we find a time to talk?” can open a positive dialogue.