Illustrations by Kristen Uroda for NPR
During my middle school years, I often spent time with my cousin in a dimly lit closet, chatting for hours. We laughed, shared stories, and created secret code names for our crushes. She was my source of laughter and joy. Fast forward to last year, my cousin once again became my pillar of support. This time, as I sat in a chemo chair with an IV in my arm and a cold cap giving me chills to protect my hair follicles. Breast cancer at 34 came as a shock. My cousin held my hand, making me smile through it all. The diagnosis was life-altering, but I never felt alone. The unwavering support from those close to me provided strength.
Cancer can touch the lives of those you care about. The National Cancer Institute estimates 39% of Americans will face a cancer diagnosis. Understanding how to support someone with cancer is crucial. Applying your unique skills can make a meaningful difference. Here are four key roles that friends and family can embrace to support a loved one with cancer.
Role No. 1: Doctor’s Appointment Buddy
Upon receiving my cancer diagnosis, I met with numerous doctors and sought multiple opinions. Having someone to note details and pose questions was invaluable. My friend Zoe Saunders, an audio producer, accompanied me to meet my surgeon. With experience in supporting hosts during interviews, she helped compile a list of questions beforehand and took notes during the visit, ensuring all points were covered.
This role suits you if: You are organized, detail-oriented, and comfortable in medical settings. It’s ideal for those with a medical background as well.
Rich Coker, an NPR listener whose wife Maya battled cancer in 2024, found early appointments more manageable with doctor friends alongside. They posed necessary questions amid the overwhelming news.
Role No. 2: Procedure Pal and Patient Advocate
Accompanying your loved one to scans, surgeries, or chemotherapy provides emotional and physical support and necessary advocacy. My chemotherapy sessions lasted seven hours, during which I needed comforting warmth and someone to ensure I received required medications. I also appreciated humor and understanding during prayerful moments. Different companions, including my family and cousin, took turns during my sessions.
This role suits you if: You are comfortable with physical touch, can sit in silence, and feel confident advocating when needed.
Role No. 3: Companion After Surgeries or Infusions
Post-chemo Mondays were challenging. A friend consistently visited with comforting lentil soup that I craved due to chemo affects on taste and mouth sensitivity. Along with little gifts like a headscarf for my hair loss, her presence brought comfort as she sat with me.
This role suits you if: You can handle seeing your loved one in a vulnerable state and maintain strong mental resilience.
Role No. 4: Household Helper and Meal Planner
One of the greatest supports is helping with everyday responsibilities. Here’s how:
- Offer to make dinner, relieving grocery and cooking tasks.
- Make specific offers, doing tasks like laundry or dog walking.
- Coordinate helpers, like organizing a calendar for assistance.
- Take initiative in daily chores, similar to acts appreciated by NPR listener Indira White during her breast cancer journey in 2023.
This role suits you if: You excel at organizing and planning, and take proactive steps to assist.
Final Tip
Regardless of the role you choose, your task is not to solve everything or provide perfect advice. Debra Jarvis, host of The Final Say: Conversations with People Facing Death, suggests asking the simple question, “Where are you with all this today?” Listen patiently for your loved one’s true response. Curiosity often leads to meaningful connections.
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with art direction by Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected]. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.